Muslims and Addiction Part 4/4: The Cause of Addiction
Introduction
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Asalamualaikum,
My name’s Farooq, and welcome to the final part of this addiction series, Muslims and Addiction Part 4: The Cause of Our Addictions.
As I mentioned in part one of this series, I had several addictions in my Jahaliyah.
And I use to wonder why I’d become addicted to a substance or behavior and others that I knew didn’t.
Fast forward to the present, and I’m still working on a couple of addictions.
They’re not illegal or serious, but they do negatively affect my Iman and the better Muslim that I’m trying to become.
Why is it that some can eat to benefit their health, while some of us, myself included, find it extremely difficult to make good choices on a consistent basis?
How can one person browse social media for an hour or two a day, whereas others might scroll all day?
By the way, if you want to know how much time you’re spending online, you can check your phone’s settings.
You might be surprised.
Well, today, we’re gonna talk about something which is responsible for 75% of people struggling with addiction.
By understanding the source, inshAllah, we can not only take the necessary steps to help ourselves but also prevent it from happening to our kids.
We can also help our kids with an existing addiction, like processed foods or mobile devices.
And if you’re young or don’t have kids, inshAllah this will help you when you do.
This, in my opinion, is the most critical piece to the addiction puzzle.
By facing the cause of our addictions, we can have a deeper understanding of why we do what we do and why we can’t do what we need to do.
This adds firepower to the ‘controlling addiction strategy’ we covered in part 2 of this series.
So inshAllah, grab a cup of coffee or tea, and let’s do some self-reflection and continue our journey to a better life.
May Allah reward you for being curious,
Let’s tie our camel.
Chapter One: From A Young Sprout
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“Ignoring the pain actually deepens it. What is hidden from sight often increases in intensity.” - Mark Wolynn, It Didn’t Start with You.
To recap from the previous parts of this series,
“Addiction is a state in which a person engages in compulsive behavior or a substance despite adverse consequences.“
As Muslims, adverse consequences also include committing sins.
Whereas a non-Muslim might see harm as just physical or mental, we have the added consequences in how it affects our Iman and the hereafter.
May Allah protect us and make it easy for us.
So what is the main cause of addiction?
Trauma.
“Trauma refers to a distressing or disturbing event or experience perceived as overwhelming and beyond one's ability to cope.“
Now I’m sure if we thought about this for a moment, and looked into our past, we could recall several traumatic experiences in our lives.
Traumatic events can be physical, emotional, or psychological, including abuse, neglect, violence, accidents, natural disasters, or war.
And, trauma can have a lasting impact on a person's mental and physical health, affecting things like Iman, sleep, relationships, and overall quality of life.
Trauma can also contribute to the development of addiction because addiction can be a means of coping with the emotional pain and distress caused by trauma.
“Trauma, by its very nature, renders us emotionally illiterate.” - Tian Dayton
Research has shown that individuals who’ve experienced trauma are at a higher risk of developing addiction than those who haven’t.
and trauma can lead to a range of emotional and psychological symptoms, including anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and Bipolar Disorder.
Causing some to self-medicate or numb these symptoms, by turning to drugs or various behaviors like gaming, browsing the Internet, shopping, working, and haram websites, which can ultimately lead to addiction.
On the other hand, addiction can also be a cause of trauma.
Substance use disorders, like alcohol and cannabis, can lead to negative consequences, including financial problems, legal issues, relationship difficulties, and health problems.
These consequences can be traumatic for the individual and their loved ones, further increasing the emotional pain and distress.
So in essence, the cycle of addiction and trauma can perpetuate itself.
May Allah protect us.
Chapter 2: Why Do I Feel Like That?
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'A'isha (RA), the wife of Allah's Apostle (ﷺ), reported that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said:
'A'isha, verily Allah is kind and He loves kindness and confers upon kindness which he does not confer upon severity and does not confer upon anything else besides it (kindness).
To understand trauma, we can look at three types:
Acute Trauma:
This refers to a single traumatic event or a series of events that occur within a short period of time.
Examples of acute trauma include natural disasters, car accidents, sexual assault, physical assault, an illness with a loved one, or witnessing violence.
Chronic Trauma:
This refers to prolonged and repeated exposure to traumatic events, such as ongoing physical or emotional abuse, neglect, or war.
Chronic trauma can occur over months or even years and can lead to mental and physical health problems.
For me, growing up, I had my fair share of trauma.
One aspect of my trauma was growing up in the ’80s when bullying was a normal part of life.
I was very overweight between the ages of 13 and 17, which was rare in those days in that there were only a few of us overweight kids in the whole school.
This caused me to isolate myself at home and bottle up my emotions.
By not talking about it, it took a toll on my health.
As James Lynch mentions in his book, ‘The Broken Heart’,
“Communication is vitally linked to our bodies and is probably the single most important force that influences our health or lack of health.”
If you were to ask me up until ten years ago if it had a profound effect on my life, I’d quickly reply, ‘No, I’m good.’
But now, after years of self-reflection and learning how our brains are wired, I can see that it has by the sheer number of addictions that I’ve accumulated throughout my life.
And number three, Complex Trauma:
Complex trauma is a form of chronic trauma that occurs in the context of interpersonal relationships, typically during childhood.
Examples include emotional, physical, or sexual abuse by a parent, caregiver, or sibling, psychological neglect, or exposure to domestic violence.
Complex trauma can lead to major disruptions in a person's development and can have long-lasting effects on mental and physical health.
There’s also the situation where if the parents are emotionally numb or restrict their emotional experience, they can’t be empathetic and responsive to their children.
and parents who shut down or medicate their own internal world (whether it be food, Internet, work, or shopping) are unable to show their children how to relate well through their own behavior.
“They’re poor models of emotional literacy or how to conduct intimate relationships.” - Tian Dayton
Complex trauma can also have a negative impact on one's Deen;
It’s not uncommon to see individuals who’ve been severely traumatized by their parents or caregivers, leave the fold of Islam or even leave Islam entirely once they’ve grown up and left the nest.
May Allah protect us.
Let’s take a moment to expand on six ways in which verbal and physical abuse affects children by their parents, caregivers, or siblings:
Emotional Impact:
Children who experience or witness abuse can suffer from a range of emotional and psychological problems.
They may experience feelings of worthlessness, anxiety, depression, and difficulty in forming healthy relationships.
They might also develop a fear of people, places, or things associated with the abuse.
For example, if someone’s abused as a kid, they can experience severe anxiety, even years later, when passing by the house they grew up in.
2. Cognitive Impact:
Abuse can affect a child's cognitive development and academic performance.
They can have difficulty concentrating, struggle with schoolwork, and have lower academic achievement in general.
And, SubhanAllah, in some cases, they may exhibit a lower IQ and reading ability.
and to add, an abused child having a low academic performance caused by trauma can fuel even more trauma if the parents punish them, chastise them, or complain about their performance.
This brings us to:
3. Behavioral Impact:
Some children may exhibit aggressive behavior, while others may become withdrawn.
They may have difficulty sleeping or experience nightmares or wet the bed.
And Children who’ve been abused are also at a higher risk of developing substance abuse problems and engaging in self-harming behaviors.
4. Physical Impact:
Physical abuse can lead to immediate physical injuries, like bruises, cuts, or broken bones, and can also create long-term health problems, due to stress.
In fact, some research suggests that the stress from chronic abuse can lead to changes in the brain and body that result in health problems later in life, including heart disease, obesity, type-2 diabetes, and other chronic diseases.
5. Development of Trauma and Stress-Related Disorders:
Children who experience abuse are at a higher risk of developing trauma and stress-related disorders like Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
They may experience flashbacks, emotional numbness, and difficulty with memory and concentration.
6. Difficulty Forming Healthy Relationships:
This one, in my opinion, is one of the worse outcomes of trauma.
Relationships are key to a healthy life.
We sometimes take good relationships for granted, by not seeing their value until they’re gone.
Children who’ve been abused may struggle to form healthy relationships later in life.
They might have difficulty trusting others, struggle with feelings of anger or fear, or feel compelled to recreate the dynamics of their abusive relationships.
And as a reminder, abuse isn’t just physical abuse, these outcomes also apply to verbal abuse, ridicule, shaming, and an overall disappointed or angry disposition overall by the parents or caregivers.
Kids are constantly looking to their parents or caregivers for approval, love, and acceptance.
Just as we seek the same from Allah as adults.
For us parents, imagine if we knew Allah was upset with us.
Imagine the pain we’d feel.
Children, especially young children, don’t fully look to Allah only.
They’re not old enough to comprehend Allah’s greatness.
They look up to us and seek refuge with us.
Love from us. Closeness with us.
So when we turn on them, it’s as if their whole world has turned on them.
May Allah give us understanding and protect our families.
Chapter 3: Children See, Children Do
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“If we do not process trauma, ongoing life complications such as depression, anxiety, sleep disturbances, anger, feelings of betrayal, and trouble trusting and connecting in relationships can persist for years after the traumatic experience occurred.” - Tian Dayton, Trauma and Addiction.
Now let’s talk about Emotional neglect.
This is a form of child abuse that occurs when a parent or caregiver fails to provide adequate emotional support and attention to a child.
This type of neglect is growing in record numbers due to mobile devices and homes where both parents are working.
Emotional neglect can occur in three different ways:
Failure to provide emotional support:
Emotional neglect is when a parent or caregiver fails to provide emotional support or comfort to a child.
This can include ignoring a child's needs for affection, comfort, or reassurance or failing to respond to a child's emotional distress.
Failure to recognize emotional needs:
This can include dismissing a child's concerns, minimizing their feelings, or failing to acknowledge their accomplishments.
One of the best ways to set your child up for anxiety or addiction is by dismissing their feelings.
Because when a child is hurt, and the parent tells them, “Aw, you’re fine, or stop crying.” You’re not making them tough, you’re making them psychologically weak and emotionally illiterate.
When they hold in their feelings or are left to deal with them on their own, it creates a pandora's box that can later fuel problems in self-regulation and mental health.
We, as Muslims, should be the shining examples of how to treat children.
We have to make sure we’re not implementing pre-Islamic practices, culture, or mimicking our parents behavior, when raising our kids.
It was narrated that Anas (RA) said: I served the Prophet (PBUH) for ten years and he never said to me “Uff!” (a word of contempt) or “Why did you do such and such?” or “Why didn’t you do such and such?” Narrated by al-Bukhaari.
Anas bin Malak (RA) was a young Sahabi that served The Prophet (PBUH), allowing him to witness many aspects of the Prophet's life (PBUH), habits, and teachings firsthand.
So if the Prophet (PBUH) was so kind to his servant, who was not a relative, how do you think The Prophet (SAW) treated his own family?
An-Nu'man bin Bashir delivered a Khutbah and said:
"The Messenger of Allah said: 'Treat your children fairly, treat your children fairly.'"
We all cherry-pick aspects of the Deen, all of us.
Whether it’s how we treat our kids, how we marry, or our manners, none of us can be perfect.
But we can make an effort to correct our mistakes once we’ve identified them inshAllah.
However hard it may be.
May Allah make it easy for all of us.
Failure to provide a safe emotional environment:
This can occur when a caregiver creates an unsafe or emotionally toxic environment for a child.
This can include exposing a child to verbal or emotional abuse or failing to protect them from the emotional trauma of divorce, separation, or other significant life changes.
The long-term effects of emotional neglect can be huge and can affect a child's development and mental health throughout their life.
and children who experience emotional neglect may struggle with self-esteem, relationships, and emotional regulation.
They may also be at increased risk for depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and other mental health problems.
It’s important to note that emotional neglect can occur in families where physical or sexual abuse is not present and may be harder to recognize or identify than other forms of abuse, because it’s usually dismissed as the norm or “not a big deal.”
This can then be passed down to future generations because the kids have a lack of emotional intelligence by copying their parents.
That said, here are five ways in which children learn behavior from their parents.
Observational Learning:
This is the most common way children learn behavior.
They watch their parents and imitate their behaviors, attitudes, and responses.
Psychologist Albert Bandura's ‘Social Learning Theory’, emphasizes this by explaining that children learn by watching others.
For example, if a child sees a parent handle frustration calmly, they’re more likely to do so themselves.
2. Operant Conditioning:
This involves learning through consequences.
Meaning, If a behavior is followed by a positive outcome (a reward), it's more likely to be repeated, and if it's followed by a negative outcome (a punishment), it's less likely to be repeated.
Parents often unknowingly use this method in their daily interactions with their children.
For example, if a child receives praise (a positive outcome) for doing their homework, they are more likely to repeat this behavior.
Now, one thing to point out is the importance to do both and not just focusing on punishment.
Providing a lack of positive reinforcement can bring about more bad behavior because, after all, negative attention is better than no attention.
On the authority of Ibn Abbas (RA), from the Messenger of Allah (PBUH), from what he has related from his Lord:
Verily Allah has written down the good deeds and the evil deeds, and then explained it [by saying]: “Whosoever intended to perform a good deed, but did not do it, then Allah writes it down with Himself as a complete good deed.
And if he intended to perform it and then did perform it, then Allah writes it down with Himself as from ten good deeds up to seven hundred times, up to many times multiplied.
And if he intended to perform an evil deed, but didn’t do it, then Allah writes it down with Himself as a complete good deed. And if he intended it [i.e., the evil deed] and then performed it, then Allah writes it down as one evil deed.” [Al-Bukhari] [Muslim]. سبحان الله
There is a lot to learn and unpack from this hadith in how we deal with family by modeling Allah’s mercy toward us onto our children.
In that, we should emphasize positive reinforcement more than negative reinforcement by focusing on the good and rewarding our children, instead of always punishing them for their mistakes.
As well as teaching them how to learn from their mistakes.
3. Verbal Instruction:
Parents directly teach children certain behaviors and attitudes through explicit communication.
They explain to the child what is right and wrong, how to behave in certain situations, and the family values.
As Muslims, the primary source of right and wrong comes from our Deen.
It should be used as our guide and yardstick for all matters of our lives inshAllah.
Not just for raising children but also as guidance for the parents as well.
4. Modeling:
This is closely related to observational learning in that by demonstrating how to behave in different situations, parents act as role models for their children.
This includes everything from the Deen, manners, and interactions with others.
The behavior that parents model can greatly influence a child's development and conduct.
“Un-fun fact: When the youth spend much of their time on devices, they learn to model the millions of strangers they see on their screen.“
I’m sure you were told growing up, not to talk to strangers.
Well today, our kids watch and sometimes even talk to and chat, with strangers on a daily basis.
5. Emotional Contagion:
Children are highly attuned to their parents' emotional states and may mirror these feelings.
For example, if a parent often exhibits anxiety, a child might also learn to respond to situations with anxiety.
The same with anger.
I try to remind myself as much as possible that Allah is watching me if I’m feeling frustrated or upset.
Doing so not only protects me from sin but also protects my kids from adopting negative ways of responding to situations.
Easier said than done, I know.
It’s a daily struggle.
It’s not easy reversing old automatic responses, but again, we need to put in the effort inshAllah.
May Allah make it easy for us.
Chapter 4: The Changing Brain
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“When we cut ourselves off from our parents, the qualities we view as negative in them can express in us unconsciously.” - Mark Wolynn
Trauma can have significant effects on the brain, particularly on the regions of the brain involved in emotional regulation, memory, and stress response.
Here are four ways trauma can impact the brain:
Alterations in brain structure:
SubhanAllah, trauma can cause changes in the size, shape, and functioning of certain brain regions, particularly the hippocampus and the amygdala.
The hippocampus is responsible for memory formation and retrieval, while the amygdala is involved in emotional regulation and the stress response (fight, flight or freeze).
Trauma can cause the hippocampus to actually shrink in size, which can impair memory and increase the risk of developing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
It can also cause the amygdala to become hyperactive, leading to increased anxiety, hypervigilance, and emotional reactivity.
Dysregulation of the stress response system:
Trauma can cause dysregulation of the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, or HPA.
I know it’s a mouthful, but It’s basically the system responsible for regulating the body's stress response.
This can result in increased production of stress hormones, such as cortisol, which can have a range of negative effects on the body and brain.
More on that in another video inshAllah.
Disruptions in neural pathways:
Trauma can disrupt neural pathways in the brain that are involved in emotion regulation, decision-making, and impulse control.
Disruption in the PFC (pre-frontal cortex), which we learned about previously in this series, can lead to difficulties with emotional regulation, increased risk-taking behaviors, and impaired decision-making.
Changes in neurotransmitter function:
Trauma can also affect the functioning of neurotransmitters, such as serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine, which are involved in regulating mood, pleasure, and motivation.
These changes can lead to symptoms of depression, anxiety, and other mood disorders.
More on this as well in another video coming soon inshAllah.
Chapter 5: Live At Your Own Risk
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“While trauma victims gain the temporary relief they are seeking (through addiction), they do so at the expense of self-knowledge and the potential for self-mastery.” - Dayton, Tian. Trauma and Addiction
There are many risk factors that can increase a person's likelihood of experiencing trauma.
Risk factors don’t necessarily mean that a person will experience trauma, but they can make a person more likely to experience traumatic events or more likely to struggle with the effects of trauma after a stressful event has occurred.
In other words, one person may be traumatized by an event while another is not.
Here are 8 risk factors that can cause a person to experience an event as trauma:
Childhood abuse or neglect:
Children who experience physical, emotional, or sexual abuse or neglect are at increased risk for experiencing trauma later in life.
Exposure to violence:
Such as witnessing domestic violence or being the victim of a violent crime.
Natural disasters:
Such as hurricanes, floods, or earthquakes, can cause significant trauma, particularly if a person is injured, loses their home, or experiences the loss of loved ones.
War or conflict:
Whether it be soldiers or civilians.
Medical trauma:
People who have experienced serious illness or injury or who have undergone medical procedures may be at increased risk for trauma.
Substance abuse:
Substance abuse can increase the risk of experiencing trauma, mainly if a person engages in risky behaviors while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
Mental health conditions:
People who have pre-existing mental health conditions, such as depression or anxiety.
As I mentioned in previous videos, I suffered from anxiety and panic attacks for well over a decade, which was rooted in childhood trauma and then nurtured into a giant beanstalk by a stressful business, lack of sleep, terrible diet, and no exercise.
May Allah protect us.
Social isolation:
People who lack social support or who feel socially isolated may have a higher risk for trauma, especially if they experience a significant life event, such as the loss of a loved one or other major life changes, like moving, starting a new job, or attending a new school.
And I’m sure some of us have probably experienced all of these at once.
Now, not everyone who experiences these risk factors will necessarily have trauma and many people who experience trauma may not have experienced any of these risk factors.
Because trauma is a highly individualized experience, its impact depends on a range of factors, including Iman, the severity and duration of the trauma, the person's coping skills, and their social support network.
Chapter 6: How Did We Get Here?
20:52
Now that we have a good understanding of trauma, how does it lead to addiction?
Trauma can lead to addiction in several ways.
Here are 6 ways that trauma can contribute to addiction:
Self-medication:
People who’ve experienced trauma may turn to substances or certain behaviors to cope with the emotional pain and distress associated with the trauma.
This can provide temporary relief from the symptoms of trauma, but over time, it can lead to physical and psychological dependence.
Co-occurring disorders:
Trauma is often associated with mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
These conditions can increase the risk of developing addiction, as people may use substances or behaviors to self-medicate the symptoms of these disorders.
Impulsivity:
People who have experienced trauma may be more likely to engage in risky or impulsive behaviors, such as drug or alcohol use.
This can increase the risk of developing an addiction.
Trauma can also be linked to ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) and ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder).
Social Isolation:
Trauma can lead to social isolation, which can increase the risk of developing addiction.
People who lack social support may turn to substances or addictive behaviors such as browsing the Internet, Haram Websites, Gaming, and Shopping, as a way to cope with loneliness or social disconnection.
Neurobiological changes:
Trauma can cause changes in the brain's reward system and stress response system, which can increase the risk of addiction.
As I mentioned earlier, trauma can also alter the functioning of neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin, which are involved in regulating mood, pleasure, and motivation, making people more susceptible to addiction.
Family history:
People who have a family history of addiction may be more vulnerable to developing addiction, particularly if they’ve experienced trauma.
Having a family history of addiction doesn’t guarantee that someone will develop an addiction.
It just means that they may be at an increased risk.
Like the example I gave in part 3 of this series, where genetics are like the gun, and diet, lifestyle, and environment determine whether or not the trigger is pulled.
Chapter 7: The Usual Suspects
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“We think that children act, whereas what they mostly do is react. Parents who realize this acquire a powerful tool. By noticing their own responses to the child, rather than fixating on the child’s responses to them, they free up tremendous energy for growth.” ― Gabor Maté
Experiencing trauma can increase the risk of developing various addictions as individuals may use substances or behaviors as coping mechanisms to manage their overwhelming feelings or to numb their pain.
Here are 5 common addictions associated with trauma:
Substance use disorders:
Particularly those related to alcohol, opioids, and cannabis.
Individuals with unresolved trauma often use these substances as an escape mechanism to alleviate their emotional distress temporarily.
Process addictions:
These are non-substance-related addictions, such as gambling, physical relations, or internet addiction (whether social media or haram websites).
People who’ve experienced trauma may engage in these behaviors as a way to cope with the emotional pain and distress associated with trauma.
Eating disorders:
Such as anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating disorder.
These disorders may be used as a way to cope with the emotional pain and distress associated with trauma or as a way to regain control in the aftermath of a traumatic event.
Self-harm:
Such as cutting or burning, is a common coping mechanism for people who have experienced trauma.
Although self-harm is not considered an addiction, it can become a compulsive behavior that is difficult to stop.
It’s attributed to the imbalance of pleasure and pain caused by addiction.
As Allah says in the Quran, “After every hardship comes ease.”
We usually only think of this concept in situational terms, like experiencing a calamity and then being healed by time.
Well, with self-harm, in excess, after pain comes pleasure to restore the balance as it releases endorphins – natural painkillers produced in response to stress or discomfort.
These can create feelings of relief or even pleasure, providing a temporary but unhealthy coping mechanism.
Do you know why having someone scratch your back feels good?
It’s because the scratching actually hurts; sending pain signals to the brain, which in turn releases endorphins and serotonin to provide relief.
It’s kinda messed up if you think about it.
Scratching the itch activates additional sensory nerve endings and triggers a mild pain response, which can inhibit the itch sensation temporarily.
This is known as "counter-irritation."
The pain signal competes with the itch signal for attention in the brain, causing the itch sensation to be temporarily less intense.
Co-occurring mental health disorders:
Trauma is often associated with the development of co-occurring mental health disorders, such as depression, anxiety, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Chapter 8: The Six Stages
25:32
“Perhaps there was no more detrimental consequence of our childhood abandonment than being forced to habitually hide our authentic selves. Many of us come out of childhood believing that what we have to say is as uninteresting to others as it was to our parents.” - Pete Walker, Complex PTSD
The cycle of addiction and trauma can create a self-perpetuating cycle in which addiction and trauma reinforce one another, making it difficult to break free from the cycle.
To sum it all up, let’s look at the six stages of the cycle: (create visual)
Trauma occurs:
The cycle begins with a traumatic event, which can be any experience that overwhelms a person's ability to cope.
Trauma can include physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, neglect, or exposure to violence or other traumatic events.
Coping strategies are developed:
In response to trauma, people may develop coping strategies to manage the emotional pain and distress associated with the traumatic event.
These strategies can include substance use, self-harm, or other addictive behaviors.
Addiction develops:
Over time, these coping strategies can become habitual and develop into addictive behaviors.
For example, a person who uses drugs or food to cope with the symptoms of trauma may develop a physical and psychological dependence.
More trauma occurs:
Addiction can lead to a range of negative consequences, including increased risk-taking behaviors, relationship problems, and physical and mental health problems.
These consequences can lead to more trauma, such as accidents, injuries, or criminal activity, which can further reinforce the cycle of addiction and trauma.
Coping strategies are reinforced: In response to the negative consequences of addiction, people may continue to rely on their addictive behaviors as a way to cope with the additional trauma they experience.
Addiction worsens: Over time, addiction can worsen, leading to a range of negative outcomes, such as increased risk of overdose, legal problems, social isolation, and disease.
Breaking the cycle of addiction and trauma requires addressing the underlying causes of addiction, such as trauma, and developing new coping strategies to manage the emotional pain and distress associated with the trauma.
Chapter 9: Self-Help Strategies
27:29
Gabor Mate
Developing a self-care plan involves creating a personalized plan for taking care of one's physical, emotional, and mental health needs.
Self-care is an essential component of maintaining overall health and well-being, particularly for individuals who have experienced addiction and trauma.
Here are five key components to a self-care plan, which are all a part of our Deen alhumdulillah:
Spiritual self-care:
Spiritual self-care involves engaging in activities that promote a sense of purpose or meaning, such as salat, reading the Quran or engaging with other Muslims in the community.
Praying in Jamat accomplishes both the social and spiritual self-care alhumdulillah. It’s also important to spend quality time with the family without devices or other distractions.
Physical self-care:
Physical self-care involves taking care of your body through activities such as exercise, healthy eating, getting enough sleep, and practicing good hygiene.
As Muslims, we’ve had the best hygiene practices for over 1400 years. There are many countries, the West included, that still haven’t caught up to us. SubhanAllah.
It’s so important in fact, that cleanliness makes up half of our Iman.
Emotional self-care:
Emotional self-care involves taking care of one's emotional and mental health through activities such as reading the Quran, salat, zhikker, journaling, therapy, or spending time with friends and loved ones.
Social self-care:
Social self-care involves building and maintaining healthy relationships with others, including family, friends, and peers.
One of the major ways to produce serotonin, the happy chemical, is through social interaction.
Praying in Jamat, is so therapeutic and beneficial that Allah encentivizes praying together by multiplying the reward by 27 times.
Allah is so merciful that he gave us a way of life where the worship is also the prevention and the cure for our tests in life. SubhanAllah.
Success in this life and the next inshAllah.
No other religion or way of life has worldly benefits built into every act of worship.
Even smiling is an act of charity and worship and has numerous benefits for both the one smiling and the one receiving it.
Allahuakbar.
Professional self-care:
Professional self-care involves taking care of one's career or work-related goals through continuing education, professional development, and seeking support or mentorship.
Regular check-ins with a mentor can provide opportunities for debriefing, gaining feedback, and discussing any challenges you're facing.
It can also be a source of professional support and guidance inshAllah.
As Muslims, we should not only set the best example for manners and character but also professionally.
In the West, business is separate from the person.
For some, they use business to excuse immoral or unethical actions. “It’s only business,” as they say.
This concept doesn’t apply in Islam.
Our morals and ethics are constant, regardless of the context.
Chapter 10:
30:09
“Restoring relationships on a healthy basis promotes mental organization.” - Gabor Mate, Scattered Minds
Building a support network involves establishing connections with individuals, groups, or organizations that can provide emotional, social, or practical support for individuals who have experienced addiction and trauma.
A support network can play an important role in promoting recovery, reducing stress, and improving overall health and well-being.
A support network can include a range of individuals, including:
Family and friends:
Family and friends are your main ‘go-to’ for emotional support, companionship, and practical assistance with everyday life.
But, be mindful of who you take as close friends and who you hang out with.
There’s a popular saying that “you are the average of your five closest friends.”
Spiritually, financially, and emotionally, … so pay attention to who you spend the most time with.
Diversify your circle of friends.
This reminds me of something Ed Catmull states in his book, Creativity Inc, on creativity, but we can apply the same concept to ourselves as a whole when it comes to the company we keep.
To paraphrase, he says, “If you give a good idea to a mediocre team, they’ll mess it up.
If you give a mediocre idea to a brilliant team, they will either fix it or throw it away and come up with something better.
So if you want to improve your health, be sure to have at least one friend who takes care of their health, if you wanna budget your money better, have a friend with that skill.
Most importantly, be sure to have at least one friend knowledgeable in the Deen and will help you improve as a Muslim.
I’ve been blessed in that my closest friends are more religious and more disciplined than me in many areas of life, so I get the best of many worlds.
Amazing Muslims and amazing friends.
Alhumdulillah.
Healthcare providers:
Healthcare providers, such as therapists, counselors, or doctors, can provide professional support, guidance, and treatment for addiction and trauma-related disorders.
Just be sure to find a doctor that’s following an evidence-based approach, both in the Deen (when it comes to concealing) and science and only uses medication as a last resort.
I’ll be doing videos on this subject soon inshAllah.
Support groups:
Support groups, such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA), or trauma-focused groups, can provide a sense of community and belonging, as well as a safe space to share experiences and receive support from others who’ve had similar experiences.
In my opinion, we as Muslims need more support groups, especially ones that are conducted according to the Quran and authentic sunnah.
One of my goals, InshAllah, is to create such groups online and to work toward creating more in-person groups for specific challenges.
Peer mentors:
Peer mentors, who have experienced addiction and trauma themselves, can provide guidance, support, and encouragement to individuals who are in recovery.
It’s always beneficial to speak to those who have been there and experienced what you’re going through.
This is far more valuable than a study or survey.
The main reason I started this channel and effort, was to share my own failures and wins in the hope of helping other brothers and sisters inshAllah.
Let’s not forget that the Sahabah were reverts, and part of their success was in that they could empathize and understand the mindset of the Non-Muslims.
Community organizations:
Community organizations, such as youth groups, recreational groups, or volunteer organizations, can provide opportunities for social connection, engagement, and support.
This is also needed more in our communities.
We tend to either focus solely on teaching Islam or solely on entertainment.
We’re missing a combination of both — enmeshed with emotional support and mentorship.
Chapter 11: Overcoming Stigma and Shame
33:13
“The low-arousal state is experienced in the common feeling of shame. In a chronic form, it is a characteristic of depression.” - Gabor Mate, Scattered Minds
Stigma and shame are both significant barriers to seeking and receiving help for addiction and trauma-related disorders.
Stigma refers to negative attitudes, beliefs, and stereotypes that society holds towards individuals who’ve experienced addiction and trauma.
Shame, on the other hand, is a feeling of guilt, embarrassment, or self-blame that individuals may experience as a result of their addiction or trauma.
The impact of stigma and shame can be profound and can affect individuals in several ways:
Here are four ways stigma and shame can impact you:
Preventing help-seeking:
Stigma and shame can make it difficult for individuals to seek help for addiction and trauma-related disorders.
They may feel embarrassed or ashamed to admit that they’re struggling, or they may fear being judged or discriminated against by others.
This is huge in many cultures, where a family may feel you’re dishonoring them by coming forward with your struggle or traumatic experience.
This is where reaching out may be crucial for your mental and physical well-being.
Again, it’s sometimes an issue within culture, NOT Islam.
Hindering recovery:
Stigma and shame can make it more difficult for individuals to recover from addiction and trauma-related disorders.
They may feel hopeless, worthless, or undeserving of help, which can prevent them from making progress in their recovery journey.
Feeling or thinking it’s because they’re so weak or Allah is angry with them are all part of stigma and shame.
Allah wants only good for us.
We just need to manage the chemicals in our brains, our nafs and shaytan, just enough to move forward.
Again, if you’re not getting the support you need, reach out inshAllah.
Increasing isolation:
Stigma and shame can also increase feelings of isolation and loneliness.
Individuals may feel like they are the only ones struggling with addiction or trauma, which can further reinforce feelings of shame and self-blame.
DNS (dopamine, nafs and shaytan) drives addiction and one of the primary outcomes of addiction is isolation.
It convinces you that nothing else is of interest.
It’s just you and your addiction.
I’ve found that food addiction, can have varying degrees of this effect, in that when I use to indulge in junk food, it would sometimes feel that it was just me and the food.
Some of us don’t even want to be bothered while eating.
Worsening mental health:
Stigma and shame can also exacerbate mental health symptoms, such as depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder to name a few.
Individuals may experience negative self-talk, low self-esteem, and self-blame, which can contribute to feelings of hopelessness and despair.
When I experienced my first panic attack, I blamed myself for years.
If I had only done this or if I hadn’t done that, but the Prophet (PBUH) forbade this when he said,
“If anything happens to you, do not say, ‘If only I had done such and such, then such and such would have happened.’ Say instead, ‘Allah decreed and what He wills He does, for ‘If only’ opens the door to the Shaytaan”
Chapter 12: Mind, Body, and Soul
36:07
Addressing addiction and trauma is critical for promoting overall health and well-being, as well as reducing the risk of long-term negative consequences.
Here are 4 reasons why addressing addiction and trauma is essential:
Improving physical health:
Addiction and trauma-related disorders can have a significant impact on physical health, leading to a range of medical conditions and complications.
Addressing addiction and trauma can help to improve physical health outcomes, reduce the risk of chronic diseases, and promote overall well-being.
It’s another vicious cycle of having addiction and trauma negatively affecting one's health and then adding to that, a sedentary lifestyle and diet promoting insulin resistance, the root cause of the top non-communicable diseases of our time.
Enhancing mental health:
Addiction and trauma-related disorders can also have a profound impact on mental health, leading to conditions such as depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Addressing addiction and trauma can help to reduce symptoms of mental health conditions, improve emotional regulation, and promote resilience.
Again, pairing this with the Deen, and a proper diet, free of processed foods and incorporating exercise.
Improving relationships:
Addiction and trauma can strain relationships with family, friends, and loved ones.
Addressing addiction and trauma can help to improve communication, build healthy relationships, and repair damaged relationships.
As we’ve learned throughout this series, many of the problems and challenges that we have among family and friends, stem from trauma and addiction; a product of unchecked DNS (dopamine, nafs, and shaytan).
Enhancing quality of life:
Addiction and trauma can significantly impact an individual's quality of life, leading to feelings of hopelessness, despair, and isolation.
Addressing addiction and trauma can help to improve quality of life by promoting recovery, building resilience, and supporting overall well-being.
Conclusion
38:09
As long as we make a daily effort to submit only to Allah and not our DNS, we can have success in this life and the next.
Contentment in this life and the next.
Great relationships in this life and the next, inshAllah.
Allah is the most merciful and shows mercy to those that show mercy to others.
If we’re finding ourselves impatient with ourselves and others, we can take what we’ve learned and be curious about our thoughts and actions instead of acting out on them,
Curious about why someone else says and does things that push others away.
InshAllah, we can now be proactive instead of reactive.
Our sins can trace back to addiction, our addiction is traced back to DNS, DNS is influenced by trauma, and trauma traces back to negative events, usually in childhood.
Through this series, we’ve attempted to reverse engineer why we sin, and why some of us lack motivation, focus, and patience.
But even if we apply what benefits us, and make a strong effort, every day, none of it will gain significant traction without remembering Allah and submitting to Allah while we work on ourselves.
The Deen is complete and perfect.
We’re not.
As Muslims, we have Iman, and that Iman is from Allah.
We should be grateful through actions and part of that action is taking care of the mind and body that Allah has loaned us inshAllah.
May Allah preserve us, give us ease, and give us success in this life and the next.
I hope this series has been beneficial.
Be sure to subscribe to my newsletter to get a more personal experience and exclusive information إن شاء الله
May Allah reward you for being curious,
and keep tying your camel.
Salamualaikum.
